Mashed Potato

Dear Momma

We need to talk about mash potato. I notice you tried to slip it into my diet again a couple times this last week. You do remember I have sensory differences, right? Let me explain to you how I experience mash…

Just look at the colour – Pale, pallid, not quite white and not quite yellow. It’s dull and sickly. I like bright colours, clean colours, patterns. Not this. And the way it lies there in a big solid lump. There’s no little bits to pick at, no way into it except to dive in. No way.

And the smell, yuck. It’s like stale milk. Do you have to put butter into it? I just don’t like the smell of dairy and potato mixed together. In fact, I don’t like the smell of boiled potato full stop. It smells like sadness and boredom.

Don’t get me started on the texture. It’s grainy, but oily, like slimy powder. When I put it on my hands to test how it feels it sticks and clings like glue. It clings to my throat and coats it with gunge. Do you remember when you were pregnant with me, and ginger biscuits made you sick? Remember how you can’t eat them, even now, because you remember how they made you feel? Well one time, a year or so back, you must’ve been in a hurry, because the potatoes hadn’t quite cooked, and when you mashed them there were little lumps of uncooked potato all mixed into the oily powdery mess. It was horrid. I couldn’t swallow it. And now whenever I see or smell mashed potato, all I can remember are those hard, uncooked lumps.

I know that it “makes you tired to cook three separate meals all the time”. But it isn’t “three all the time”, sometimes it’s only two meals, and you don’t have to cook dinner on your two work days. Can you imagine how tired I feel having to eat it? Trying to block out the taste, the smell, the feel of it, just so I can manage to eat some without gagging? And you guys are trying to talk to me, ask me things, get me to look at your faces – your curious, expressive, moving, confusing faces. How can I process all that input? how can I try to process your questions and pick the words to form an answer? How can I do all that you are asking of me AND eat mashed potato at the same time?! It’s exhausting. I get overloaded. I get upset. I meltdown.

So, to conclude.
Chips, fries, new potatoes, roast potatoes…all fine.

But no mash.

Yours hopefully


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